Christmas Wishes

I have always thought that the Christmas Wish idea was a lovely one. As a kid, you sat in Santa's lap, stared at his bushy beard and divulged to him the toy that you wanted more than any other....at the moment. In my life, I believe that I have witnessed two true Christmas Miracles. Each of these miracles have resulted from a wish, but neither of these wishes have been whispered into Santa's ear.

When my little brother was seven-years-old, he was in need of a father figure. Our dad was in Seattle and we didn't get to see him often enough to satisfy a boy's need for a male role model. My mother put in an application to get him paired with a volunteer from Big Brothers, Big Sisters. Since his application was still in the "Too Be Matched" pile, BBBS sent him a card asking him to write down what he wanted for Christmas so that thy could at least give him something while he spent his holidays waiting. When Mom asked him what sh should write on the card he said, "Can't they just get me a Big Brother?"

Mom replied that they were wanting to send him a toy while he waited for his Big Brother. My brother shook his head and proclaimed, "All I want is a Big Brother."

His Christmas wish was pure and simple.

His Christmas miracle came in the form of a Big Brother that became a part of our family and whom we still love and hear from fourteen years later.

Sometime around the 20th of December I couldn't take it anymore. I found myself in my bed, on my back and staring into the blackness hanging in front of my ceiling. I tried to pray silently, but my thoughts kept getting too muddled to follow; so I spoke out loud, fighting against the choking tears I was trying to hold back. Deciding that shorter was better, I said, "I know that my family is not going to have a big Christmas. Having everyone together and sharing the joy of the love you have given us is a gift that I am happy to receive. I try not to ask for much, but I can't help asking for this; please send me an answer."

An answer. That was my Christmas Wish. Pure and simple.

My Christmas Miracle came on the 23rd in the form of a letter from the insurance company saying that they would approve my occipital nerve stimulator trial.

I am not a Christian who dwells on the details of how the miracles in the Bible took place. I do not expect to be swallowed by a giant fish, to see a man walk on water, part the Red Sea or speak with a burning bush. These pleas came from a rarely used part of the heart that can only be touched in a moment of pure hope, a little desperation and a lot of belief. These wishes were not made to gain anything material or receive any appreciation. Both the statement from a little boy and the pain filled prayer from a suffering young woman couldn't be ignored. Everyone feels, at times, that they have hit rock bottom. I have felt that way many times in the past six years. Sometimes it feels as if our wishes, prayers and pleas disappear into a black abyss and never make it farther than two feet from our mouths that utter the words. Feeling forsaken is a part of living. But, let me tell you this: God is good. And he knows what he is up to.

Merry Christmas